Why can I barely feel the warm glow within me
That others see so clearly?
My motivation starts as a burst of flames,
Then simmers into nothing.

No matter how much I try to control it,
My mind escapes from its cage.
Wasting time thinking is as helpful
As judging a book before opening its page.

I gaze at the world around me
And so far im not impressed.
Closed minded, colorless people,
Content with conventional happiness.

But I am no better than the others
And perhaps I am the one to blame
Still searching for my never-ending passion
While expecting others to make a change.

Why should they?
My journey is never done.
This life of drifting intuitions
Isn’t meant for everyone.

FREEDOM

I don’t want a stable life. I want a happy life. Not that stability and happiness cant coexist but It seems like people are so afraid to think or do against the norm that they work for what they think they want and not what they feel they want. Just floating through life. I would rather suffer and struggle for a goal that I want to achieve rather than suffer and struggle just because. Five to ten years from now, if I have the biggest smile on my face, and have had some of the best experiences of my life, I would be content and comfortable. Why do I need a lot of money to validate that? If I love what I do, money will come. Of course sometimes your happiness and wants have to be pushed aside for certain reasons. But when you are 19, have no children, no husband, and no other obligations there are not as many reasons. You have the time to focus on yourself. Isn’t that what this time is for…?

As the rain falls my thoughts flow...

Watching the rain is like crying without shedding a tear.
Slowing down to reflect on all the pain in the world. My world.
So soothing yet so humbling to know that nature can leave me in such awe of its beauty.
Just seeing the streams and drops soak every surface; sinks into my being, nourishes my soul without a streak ever touching my skin…

memoirs of a broken heart.2.

We can't erase each others past loves and memories. Ill probably never mean to you what she still means to you. But lord knows I will try. I cry, mourning him and celebrating you. So intertwined it hurts to seperate the two. I will always love him but I'm so in love with you.
I am so defensive of my heart and he's the one to blame. Happiness shouldn't have to be explained. And I'm so sorry...

memoirs of a broken heart.1.

I mistake your warm embrace for harsh lies. No one can want me, truthfully. Whenever you look at me I am careful not to bask in the glow of your eyes, for fear the light might just pierce my stone wall and awaken my cold heart. And then I realize, I'm afraid of love...

how i feel right now...

I just want to retreat from loves constant combat. Spend some time alone with my abstracted mind, and my lonely heart. But he still soldiers on; he’s had his time for thought. I might join him again when I’m stronger. If he loves me, he’ll let me catch my breath. He’ll let me rest.

My Marauder

He steals my days away from me,
And I let him,
Constantly.
From the time the sunlight saturates my room,
Til the moonlight sneaks through in small streams
He reigns here.

He’s the reason little droplets abandon
My eyes and cheeks
And litter my pillow gently.
From the moment my head tries to rest in peace,
Til I rise with dry eyes
He rules me.

He’s the reason my companions complain
Of negligence.
From the period when class ends,
Til the next begins again
He conquers all.

But against his force,
I wage no war.
I firmly brace for the damaging blows
I humbly accept the pain that follows
I wipe away the blood that flows
Like they are souvenirs of times gone.
Like I deserve it.
And I do.

Who wants to run away with me...?

I believe I am unlike most people. I am never content or satisfied with myself or where I am. I always feel as though there is more to see, more to experience and more to learn. I am not content with staying in one place for too long. It bores me. I begin to become restless. But don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate things. Because I do. Greatly. I just feel as though my soul is constantly searching and will never settle down. My soul flies from place to place; staying just long enough to admire the scenery. Never long enough to let go of baggage. I am surrounded by others when I land, but remain lonely in flight. If only I could find that one that has as much passion and yearning and love that would fly away with me and never get tired. But for now I settle.


I love, with a lonely heart…

Untitled (for now...)

Hey, how many water images and metaphors can you find?! Lol

.....................................................................................

You were my sun shiner but now my sun setter.
Your love was like a mist but now my days keep getting wetter.
Torrential rain drenches my clothes and my pride don’t look no better,
So I fill my cup with heartache
And toast to greener pastures.

Drunken with dreams, I still walk down the rocky pathways,
Stumbling, hoping, lonely,
If I slip will someone catch me.
My mind is constantly moving,
Skimming over any deep streamed thoughts,
If I stop too long my mind begins to wade,
In all of memories ponds.

Ive left your hands,
And landed right into my own palms.
Instead of following your map,
Ive lead myself into my own arms,
An unfamiliar sea.
Its funny how I know all your movements,
Like the moon predicts the oceans tidal,
But if someone quizzed me on myself
I would lose the reigning title.
So when I glance on tops of waters
Its like I’m staring at a stranger.
She looks homeless,
Don’t wanna stare too long,
It might offend her.

But I wonder, if shes ever bathed in love.
Or if the sour stench of hurt just overflows and seems to flood.
And I wonder, why her face looks so tired.
Maybe the ripples of his lies caused the waves on her skin to rise higher.
And why she looks so thin,
Perhaps the sips her soul of were drowned by her diet of vodka and gin.

Wait. She looks familiar;
Reminds me of a girl whose weak plea I couldn't quite decipher.
Too late, his dams pressure submerges me in the puddle.
Only the faint murmur of my cries through shattered air bubbles
Voice my struggle…